Children’s dad resists marriage

Dear Abby: I have been with my boyfriend for three years. I am pregnant with twins, and we already have a son together. His daughter lives with us as well.

With this pregnancy coming to term, I keep throwing hints to him about us becoming engaged, but he brushes them off. I know he’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want to pressure him into an engagement, but it’s been three years, three kids and a stepchild, and I still don’t have my ring!

I wouldn’t even mind a long engagement. I just want to know we’re headed in the direction of marriage. I want to know he wants the same things I want. An engagement is the only way I’ll feel sure he plans on spending his future with me. Can you help? — Very Pregnant In New Jersey Dear Very Pregnant: It should be dawning on you by now that a man who brushes off hints about becoming engaged isn’t interested in a formal arrangement. I wish you had asked for my advice 10 months ago, because I would have urged you not to become pregnant again unless you were sure where the relationship was going.

From where I sit, it is going nowhere. There is no way anyone can help you push someone who is unwilling into marriage. What I can do is stress that should anything happen to him, you and the little ones will be left with nothing unless he makes a will that names you as beneficiary. When you discuss that with him, do not hint or allow him to brush you off, because the implications are very serious.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.