These creeps don’t represent the majority of men.
I rise in defense of men. They are taking an awful beating. The Harvey Weinstein stuff. The social media “me too” campaigns by women who’ve been harassed. Not to mention stories from supposedly somber institutions like the Arizona Legislature and the U.S. Congress about how badly some male elected officials behave toward female elected officials. The yuck-factor makes you want to wash your hands.
And, of course, the Texas shooter. His unspeakable killing spree puts a badly needed focus on domestic violence — and the gateway drug of animal abuse.
Stories of men doing vile things fill the news these days. The perpetrators need to be held accountable.
Our culture also needs to be held accountable for making cruelty and violence synonymous with masculinity.
Despite the excesses of popular culture, the actions of these hideous creeps don’t represent the majority of men. Their evil should not cast a shadow on other men.
So I need to speak up. Yes, I’ve experienced sexual harassment. But I did not add my name to the “me too” list. My reaction was “Who hasn’t?” There have always been jerks. Always will be. But they are not the majority.
The big difference is that they get called on it now. The best difference is that they get called on it by other men now.
That’s progress. Men have been changing diapers, washing dishes and trying to close the sensitivity gap for decades. Bra-
vo, guys. You show an endearing desire to reject a warped vision of masculinity that leads to cruelty and oppression.
Make no mistake: I’ve seen the horror men do. I do volunteer work that brings me in contact with crime victims.
I remember a little boy of 4 who screamed insults at the woman his father had just been arrested for abusing. It was what he learned by watching.
The woman was young and intelligent — and broken.
Her spirit had been systematically shattered by a man who undermined her confidence, took her power and brutalized her body.
But there is another man in this story. A police officer. He was also young and intelligent. His job description did not include counseling or compassion. But his humanity did.
He called the little boy aside, got down on the child’s level and quietly explained to him the importance of being “nice” to the woman, of speaking with “respect.”
That child’s future will depend on which kind of man he uses for a model.
It will depend on what he accepts as normal in a world in which his father is an aberration. A perversion.
The cop? He’s a normal guy. Caring. Decent. He is also largely uncelebrated in a society where it takes courage for men to show tenderness and kindness. Our culture has not valued those attributes in boys. Our culture does too little to praise the good things men do.
So I rise in defense of men.
Yes. We have to call the creeps to account. We have to call evil by that name and stop the exploiters and abusers.
But we cannot let the evil some men do distract us from the greatness so many men accomplish in so many unnoticed ways. In talking gently to a child. In being a dedicated teacher and father (like my husband). In showing the real strength of kindness. In having the courage to share the secrets of their soul with a life partner. In trying to do the right thing day after day — even when nobody’s watching.