Dad retaliates after family bars girlfriend

Almost.

You excluded an adult relative’s companion because … it would bum out your in-laws, because they’ve been married a really long time?

Your daughter isn’t 6, either. “Grandpa’s bringing his friend, Fifi.”

If you felt obliged to fill an awkward silence after that, then you could have added, “I don’t know her well, obviously, but that means she’s probably going to feel awkward at first. Let’s be sure to make her feel welcome.”

If your daughter asked follow-up questions, then you had an ace to play: “Your grandfather is a grown man. His personal life is his business.”

You had a chance to set an example of grace, for all involved, and you noped it. Hard.

Please, next time such a chance comes up, ask yourself what you really stand to lose by saying yes. Not in a living-by-somebody-or-other’s-rules kind of way, but in the way of living with love and acceptance.

Now, back to your father’s post-snub behavior. It reads like a how-to manual for petulance, and if this is the way he typically operates, then you were raised by someone without healthy emotional resources – which could certainly explain why it didn’t come naturally to you just to welcome his friend unreservedly and sort out the details later. This stuff is not as intuitive as we make it out to be.

If your relationships in general, not just with your dad, are higher conflict than you’d like, then please consider talking to a good family therapist.