Heat limericks bring out ... something in you people

From July 17, 2005, some of the entries in that summer’s Largely Big and Tremendous Valley 101 Hot Weather Limerick contest:

I’m not saying these samples are especially good or especially bad. They’re just a few I picked off the pile. However, speaking of especially bad, I just read one that tried to rhyme monthly, humidity and anatomy. You people.

This first one is from Roland in Scottsdale.

I want to escape this heat

To make my summer complete. I don’t mean to boast

But I’ll drive to the coast,

And be one of the Zonies you meet.

What do you think? It’s not bad. At least it rhymes.

This one is from Byron in Tempe. I kind of like it.

My momma didn’t raise no fool. I found out how to stay nice and cool. My favorite cantina in Mesa Serves exceptionally cold cerveza. So I just set up camp on a stool.

OK, I didn’t say it was great. I just said I kind of liked it.

I don’t know where this person is from. She didn’t say, and she just gave her initials, F.E.

Weather’s a miserable problem now. Rainstorms like a flying cow. Winds blow hot.

Plants all rot.

Lightning shots across your bow.

Like a flying cow? Well, that’s different.

Had enough? Well, that’s too bad. I have to read all of these, and there must be 500 or 600 of them, so it won’t hurt you to sit through just a few of them.

This last one’s from Bill somebody or other.

My kids said, “Let’s go see the horned iguana.”

I’m not really all that sure that I wanna.

I’d not leave home in a blizzard To see some ugly old lizard.

Why on Earth would I go into a sauna?