Boyfriend strips away trust

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. We are planning on moving to California together in a few months.

I flew to Monterey to job hunt, and he is supposed to be flying in soon. However, last night I found out he and his buddy went to a strip club. My boyfriend knows I’m uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs, and he assured me that they would not be going when we spoke on the phone earlier in the evening.

He says I’m controlling and childish for being angry at him. I told him it’s either me or the strip clubs – mostly just to see how he would react. His response was that freedom of choice is very important to him.

I’m tempted to cancel his ticket to California. I don’t want him flying here if we are just going to fight. Is this situation worth the cost of a relationship? Abby, he is in the wrong, isn’t he?

Dear Choice: A wise woman chooses her battles carefully. If your boyfriend spent more than an occasional evening hanging out in strip clubs, I can see why it would be a deal breaker. But unless you left something important out of your letter – like the fact that he did more than look – it doesn’t appear that he does.

You escalated the situation and you shouldn’t have. However, if you feel so strongly about strip clubs, perhaps you should consider finding another man to spend your life with because it really isn’t possible to control the actions of another adult.