Wife verbally abuses husband’s family of origin

moment, not after the fact. Wow. If I could, I’d demand that you “step in and defend” your sister, with your wife in the room.

So. How’s your marriage otherwise? Is your wife as abusive to you as she is to your family? “Taking a hard look at the person you married” is the most important answer to your “What should I be doing?” question. People who think it’s their place to dish out unsolicited criticisms “at length” and to demand loyalty when challenged are rarely healthy themselves, and they’re almost never pleasant companions. Don’t fall in line with miserable expectations just because you got the idea somewhere that it’s what marriage is “supposed to” mean.

If what you describe as “occasionally picks fights” is just a nice way of saying that you are routinely in the position of having to clean up a mess your wife made with people you care about – heck, even if it just has happened enough that it’s all familiar to you - then it’s time to ask yourself whether it’s healthy to stay in this marriage. A good therapist can help you answer this question, or ask it, in case you’re not ready to. Go alone, though; couple’s counseling with someone abusive merely opens a new front for the abuse.

Re: Plain wood box: If I ever find out my kids are keeping my ashes in a fancy urn, I’ll be p–ed. They know I’d rather be in a plain box or, hell, a coffee can. Cuz, you know, I’ll be dead at that point. Wife is out of bounds in this situation. I’m with you. Figuratively – not literally in the coffee can. I at least want one to myself.