TELL ME ABOUT IT

Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend is jealous of one of my co-workers. This co-worker is sweet (she’s married) and we share the same interest in food so we’re constantly eating together – lunches, snacks, and occasionally happy hour or dinner. My relationship is long-distance and when I bring up any plans I may have with my co-worker, my girlfriend doesn’t hold back the snide remarks.

Recently my co-worker and I went to happy hour after work and I lied and told my girlfriend I was going out with someone else, just to avoid any tension. I feel like I just went down a slippery slope.

Part of me wants to confess! I’m also considering just keeping things professional with my co-worker but I don’t think that’s fair … I don’t know. – Slippery Slope

The good news is, you and your girlfriend seem very well matched. The bad news is, your wellmatchedness is in the area of emotional cowardice – and there’s nothing even remotely “small” about this “thing.”

Instead, she has chosen the path of least emotional risk: She won’t openly admit how vulnerable she feels, lashing out instead – but also won’t break up with you.

Your response to this, meanwhile, has been to see your girlfriend’s cowardice and raise her some mendacity. Even when the behavior you’re covering up is innocent, the coverup itself is not.

So Is this coworker-friendship innocent or not? If she tries again to have it both ways, to distrust you but not break up with you, then you break up with her.