A tomboy toys with idea of playing the coquette

to undermine herself that way and still come out feeling good. Besides, not attracting people in high school often means you’ve done something right.

So. That middle road. Whatever you do, don’t travel it just to attract guys. Do it to become someone you like and feel good about, and from there the right kind of attention from the right kind of people will follow. It’s true, I swear; I’m not just sniffing rainbows.

Specifically – if you feel you’re more feminine than your upbringing allowed, explore that. Not by grabbing the nearest stereotype and wearing it to a party, but by looking around and noticing there are as many interpretations of femininity as there are women. Be patient, be judicious, be yourself, and find yours.

And in the meantime, treat boooyyyys as you would treat anyone: Approach them when you’re interested, and then give them room to respond. Some will, most won’t, some hurt, most don’t – and that’s true for everyone, even coquettes.

Dear Carolyn: I’m dating the greatest girl I’ve ever been with, but I’m starting to get sick of her. In every single relationship, after about six months I get sick of them, no matter how happy I am. What’s wrong with me and how can I make these feelings go away? I’ve been told by friends that these feelings go away if you just ignore them. Is that true? AGH. No. Egad.

Try spending time with women you find interesting, versus attractive, and as friends first, versus as dates, and see if you develop chemistry that kicks in at six months, versus sputtering out by then. It’s also possible you’re not ready to be, or meant to be, monogamous.