Man won’t budge on surgery

Dear Abby: My husband and I are happily married, but have one serious problem. Our sleeping habits are incompatible. I am an extremely light sleeper; he is a horrendous snorer.

He sees a snoring specialist and tried several medical treatments, none of which worked. The only solution is a minor surgical procedure. He doesn’t want to have the surgery. He insists he “sleeps fine,” and says I’m the one with the problem.

I have tried earplugs, white noise machines, sleep medications and more, but I cannot get a decent sleep with the obnoxious snoring. He stays up much later than I do, and I enjoy sleeping in our master bedroom until he comes to bed. I usually get driven out of the room by the noise.

We agree we don’t want to sleep in separate rooms and lose the intimacy, but it’s the only option for me to sleep well. Neither of us wants to give up the master bedroom because it’s the only one with an attached bathroom.

Am I wrong for asking him to have surgery so we can share a bed? And if he won’t, who should get the master bedroom?

Dear Sleepless: Let’s be honest. The reason for his reluctance is fear of the surgery. It wasn’t wrong of you to ask, and out of consideration for you and the intimacy in your marriage he shouldn’t have refused.

However, because he insists on coming into the master bedroom, which he knows wakes you, for the sake of your health, take the other bedroom. Understand, the “intimacy bed” does not always have to be the “sleeping bed.”