Taking the high road with partner’s resentful child

apparently neither parent nor stepparent read that as pain or addressed it accordingly.

So now it has ossified into fixed hard feelings on all sides, yes? And sure, 25 is (more than) old enough to start owning (more than) bad behavior, but the

of that bad behavior was laid by people who were supposed to have the child’s back.

There’s only one softener for this. Forgiveness. Ideally from all sides, but the best source is actually you, because you were an adult to this child’s 15 when things were set in motion. And because parent and child have a natural pathway for forgiveness to travel, if either is so inclined, but coming from you it’s unexpected and therefore potentially has more power.

If you’re not convinced, then I suggest you try it in small steps:

❚ “This is not about me.” Because it’s not – this was always rooted in the family of origin.

❚ “But I can be a positive force instead of a negative one.” Because you can:

❚ You can say hello, you can smile, you can ask polite questions, you can

when any of these is ignored or rejected. You can play the long game.

❚ You can say to your partner: “Your kid has treated both of us poorly, and is well beyond the age for any kind of pass for doing so, but there’s no denying we were the adults when this started. Maybe it’s time to look at this differently.”

Even if it doesn’t work, you lose nothing by trying besides a chance to make a spectacle of yourself at somebody’s milestone event. And, the rewards for such an effort — the usual high-road-taking benefits — await you no matter how the weekend turns out.