Family unfriends man’s fiancee

Dear Abby: After two years of dating, my boyfriend and I recently got engaged. We’re in our 30s and grew up in the same town. It will be a second marriage for both of us. We were each previously married close to 10 years. I have four children; he has none.

He loves my children like they are his own, and they love him. His family was nice to me at the beginning, thinking that it wouldn’t last. I know they aren’t fond of the fact I have four kids, and they think he should find a woman who doesn’t have any.

We have been very happy together, but when we got engaged, his family got very upset because he didn’t ask them how they felt or tell them he was going to do it. I think they would have discouraged it immediately.

I feel awful because he’s very close with his family. He always backs me 100 percent, but I don’t want to tear them apart. I don’t want him to not want to see them. He’s very family oriented, and it breaks my heart that he wants all of us to be close. They aren’t outright rude, but they make me feel uncomfortable, like I’m not good enough for their son/ brother.

All of a sudden, his brothers/sister and their spouses have stopped talking to me. They have deleted me on social media. I’m at a loss. Should I marry him?

Dear Getting: This is something you and your fiance must decide together with your eyes wide open. You say his family hasn’t been outright rude, but I beg to differ. Making people feel uncomfortable, giving them the silent treatment and unfriending them is rude.

These appear to be extremely controlling people. You need to decide if you can coexist with in-laws like this, and your fiance needs to decide which family is more important – the one he will form with you and your children, or the one he was born into. He may not be able to have both. You have my sympathy.