I just can’t watch movies in which a dog dies
I will not be among those in line to see “The Art of Racing in the Rain” because of one simple plot point.
The dog dies.
That’s hardly a spoiler, based on the reviews I’ve seen. The story unfolds from the dog’s point of view as he looks back on his long life, which is probably all of about 12 years due to inherent unfairness. And if a mature canine on his death doggie-bed is introduced in the first act, he’s dead by the third. I, and many others I know, refuse to watch.
By the time I was 18 (and like the majority of filmgoers), I’d probably seen hundreds, if not thousands, of onscreen deaths. In between the shootings and stabbings and zombie apocalypses, a few people died tragically, typically involving cancer or car accidents. Yet only one tissue was required, that for “Brian’s Song.”
I exceeded that total for “Old Yeller” alone because every death of a dog, no matter the circumstances, is tragic.
Psychologists may be able to explain why we’re so inured to on-screen death and/or dismemberment. We don’t flinch when bullets or chainsaws or laser beams cleave through human flesh. Yet we avert our eyes when the evil spirit under the stairs heads for the family dog, usually an older golden retriever with flecks of gray around her muzzle.
Perhaps we care more about dogs because they are dependent on us, and are unable to avail themselves to the latest weapons technology to defend themselves (though Cujo did remarkably well depending on his natural abilities).
Fortunately there’s a website for me and people like me. Whenever I see a dog in a trailer, no matter if it’s a horror film or comedic romp, I visit doesthedogdie.com. There I will find a simple “Yes” or “No,” without any of the Golden retriever Enzo (voiced by Kevin Costner) discovers that his human’s significant other Eve (Amanda Seyfried) is an “unexpected” circumstance in their bachelor racing lifestyle in “The Art of Racing in the Rain.”
DOANE GREGORY
possibly messy details. I root for “No,” but if it’s “Yes,” I won’t see that movie, even it if has a 99% “Fresh” rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
(Though there are some surprises. I looked up “Crawl,” in which alligators ride a storm surge to hunt in flooded homes. It features a small white dog, the perfect gator snack. Yet according to doesthedogdie.com, it survives. Those little dogs can be wily.)
Some dog deaths have hit me harder than others, even those I’ve only read about because I won’t see the film. If the MPAA ratings board did its job, it would institute a “DD” rating for “Dog dies.”
Here are my five worst dog deaths in movies:
5. ‘Marley & Me’ (2008)
Haven’t seen it. Never will. But I know enough about it to understand that I don’t want to invest 90 minutes getting emotionally attached to the most adorable dog ever just to watch Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson sob as they put it down.
4. ‘Where the Red Fern Grows’ (1974)
I read the book in high school, so not only do I know where the red fern grows, but why. Thank goodness there were no such things as VCRs back then or I may have been forced to watch the movie as well.
3. ‘Turner & Hooch’ (1989)
No one expects two things: the Spanish Inquisition and that a buddy comedy starring Tom Hanks that ends with the death of his goofy, slobbery police partner. It’s time for a remake with Chris Pratt, only it ends with a wounded Hooch surviving. Maybe they can still get the original Hooch. It’s only been 30 years since … oh, never mind.
2. ‘Old Yeller’ (1957)
This isn’t the first film that ends with the death of a beloved dog, but it’s the most iconic.
I’m going to save you the trouble: Old Yeller comes down with rabies, Travis shoots him.
Thanks for such a heartwarming tale, Disney.
1. ‘I Am Legend’ (2007)
When you first see Will Smith and his German shepherd wandering a post-apocalyptic landscape where flesh-eating monsters roam, of course you know which one is not going to be around for the end. But it’s the way the dog is dispatched that still haunts (and angers) me. Let’s just say Old Yeller got off easy. as famous here as I am in Mexico.” But, be careful what you wish for. (Laughing) I can walk freely here; I can’t do that in Mexico. So, I’m not sure. Right now, I’m wanting a little bit more fame ... not that much more, but a little bit more.