How Disneyland’s overlooked rides can make your day
There comes a time in every adult's visit to Disneyland that you’re so damn tired of the lines that you’re happy to ride anything, even the kiddie attractions that offer little in the way of excitement or legroom.
That’s exactly how Melissa and I felt on a recent trip as we bobbed in a sea of people in the middle of Fantasyland.
A check of the Disneyland app showed lines in the 50- to 90-minute range for the coolest attractions: Space Mountain, Haunted Mansion, Matterhorn and the like.
We were hot, it was a fairly crowded Saturday, and we had neither the Fastpass or the patience needed for an E-ticket ride. The dilemma offered this chilling challenge, to find a way out of yet another long wait. Of course, there was Melissa’s way.
“What if we went on everything with a short line?” she said. “Try to go on as many things as we can regardless if we think they’ll be very fun.”
Quantity over quality? The approach was as antiDisney as it was brilliant.
We set the parameters: We’d ride any attraction that had a 15-minute wait or less. We’d look for the hidden
charms in each, rather than side with the masses who were skipping these rides.
With that, we noted the time – 2:19 p.m. – and began our journey through Disney’s tamer side.
Snow White’s Scary Adventures
Posted wait: 10 minutes.
The experience: Board a mine car that encounters a witch who insists you take a bite of this ripe, juicy and no-cost-to-you apple. Now maybe if it had been a churro …
Hidden charm: This dark ride still has the power to frighten small children. The charm isn’t the frightened children, but the fact that you can find a bit of creepiness at Disneyland.
Total time spent: 13 minutes.
Pinocchio’s Daring Journey
Posted wait: 5 minutes.
The experience: You follow the marionette as he makes a series of blockheaded decisions as he’s pestered by nosy insect. The ending appears to be happy until you realize the puppet-turned-boy will have to one day get a job and move out of the house.
Hidden charm: The ride offers two irresistible benefits: A consistently short line and air conditioning. The quaint backdrops, boasting fluorescent paint, take you back to the park’s roots when blacklight was
cutting-edge amusement technology. Comforting to see some things don’t (and shouldn’t) change.
Total time spent: 12 minutes.
Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride
Posted wait: 15 minutes.
The experience: You are Mr. Toad, an amphibian who clearly does not have a firm grasp of driving skills as he piles up numerous moving violations.
Hidden charms: As I child, I marveled at how the car was unscathed in its collision with a train in a dark tunnel. I still enjoy that effect as car rumbles over tracks as the light at the end of the tunnel hurtles toward you. And how can you not enjoy the demonic ending where children may scream without repercussion, “We’re in hell!”
Total time spent: 21 minutes.
It’s a Small World
Posted wait: 15 minutes.
The experience: Drift through a hellish, post-apocalyptic nightmare of dolls come to life, dancing and singing in hopes of freeing themselves from their restraints. At least that’s how I see it.
Hidden charms: Riders have 15 minutes to check texts, catch up on email or play Fortnight. Napping, however, is made impossible due to low-backed seats designed for toddlers.
Total time spent: An eternity (28 minutes).
Casey Jr. Circus Train
Posted wait: 10 minutes. The experience: Jump on a circus train with the kind of legroom that makes coach on a low-fare airline seem luxurious.
Hidden charms: While in line, we met a thirty-something gentleman who was excited to ride Casey Jr. for the first time since he was a child, recalling the attraction as his favorite. Then we watched a half-dozen youngsters rush to be one of the “animals” in the cages. Turns out the train’s charms aren’t so hidden.
Total time spent: 17 minutes.
Storybook Land Canal Boats
Posted wait: 5 minutes.
The experience: Take a short cruise in a small boat through a land of miniatures that includes castles, palaces and homes of Disney characters.
Hidden charms: Walt Disney was fascinated with miniatures, and once planned a traveling exhibit of detailed models (eventually shelved for larger projects). The minutia is impressive, down to the tiny trees in a London park that represents Peter Pan. It makes landscaping an art.
Total time spent: 18 minutes.
King Arthur Carousel
Posted wait: 5 minutes. Experience: Hop on a steed for a slow trot in circles.
Hidden charms: Know that you’re gently galloping into history. The carousel dates to 1922, and a similar ride in LA’s Griffith Park inspired Disney to create Disneyland. As he watched his merry daughters go round, he yearned for a place that parents and children could both enjoy. He probably didn’t envision the lines.
Total time spent: 10 minutes.
Mad Tea Party
Posted wait: 5 minutes.
The experience: Step into life-size teacups that spin and twirl in ways that may cause motion sickness.
Hidden charms: At some point, every child capable of spinning the teacup does so in an effort to make mom or dad or both react in ways that require cleanup crews. What they don’t realize is what goes around, comes around.
Total time spent: 13 minutes.
Summing up
We did eight rides in two hours, 12 minutes, with roughly 11 minutes of travel time between each attraction. Ending time: 2:42 p.m.
The experience: Highly recommended.
Hidden charms: Just as we were about to get in line for Dumbo the Flying Elephant, the wait jumped to 20 minutes, so the pachyderm landed outside our predetermined parameters. Thank goodness.