TELL ME ABOUT IT

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared June 12, 2005.

Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend, “Amy,” is extremely paranoid, and more than once she has accused me of sleeping with a co-worker, “Jane.” Jane has become a close friend and we enjoy each other’s company. I have done everything I can to show Amy I am true: I don’t talk with Jane outside work, I don’t go into work when she’s there (unless I have to), and I have removed Jane’s phone number from my phone.

I thought this fixed the problem, but during a disagreement on a completely separate subject, Amy brings up Jane again. This makes me believe Amy will be happy only if I stop being friends with Jane.

However, I refuse to do this because I believe it sets a precedent where she can demand I give up a great job, or time with my family, or whatever. I just don’t know what to do, and her behavior is making me think I shouldn’t be with her. I have asked numerous friends and family for advice. Sadly, it was unanimous: Dump her. I think they don’t like her, so I thought I would ask you.

– Going Nuts

If you restructure your life to avoid in-person encounters with any women besides Amy, Amy will furtively check your phone records. If you and Amy are the lone inhabitants of a desert isle and she witnesses you throwing your phone into the sea, Amy will accuse you of having a second phone hidden somewhere.

And your problem isn’t Amy, it’s you: for remaining with someone so insecure, and for shopping around for an answer that gets you out of having to tell your volatile girlfriend you’re through.