TELL ME ABOUT IT

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I disagree about COVID precautions and have reached the point where we’re constantly fighting about it. I am more conservative and trying to have contact with only a few families I know are taking similar precautions. He’s exposing himself and his 8-year-old son, my stepson, to a lot more people, including one family that I believe does not take COVID seriously.

At first my husband lied to me about seeing this family. After I found out, he said he won’t lie anymore but is going to do what he wants.

I feel like this has uncovered deeper issues. Three days ago he promised he wouldn’t have anyone in the house, and I found out last night he in fact had one of the kids from this family inside. I don’t know how I can trust him. I am very concerned with what I’m learning about him. How do I move forward?

– Disagree

Disagree: You don’t even try to. Sometimes, you stay right where you are until you can envision what a sensible step after this one would look like. You have some obvious information to work from – that you can’t trust your husband – and some less obvious.

Here’s the problem with your husband that would outlast this shining moment we’re in: His coping tactic for a significant disagreement is to tell you enough of whatever you want to hear so you’ll get off his back and he can resume doing whatever he feels like doing.

That lays bare such profound emotional immaturity that it’s a valid question whether you and he can have a marriage of equals again, now that you know what he’s about.