TELL ME ABOUT IT

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Feb. 2 and April 7, 2006.

Dear Carolyn: My best friend and I became roommates after college, and I started dating her sister while my roommate continued in a long-term relationship. That relationship has since ended and we’ve admitted we have feelings for each other. I obviously have to break up with the sister, but is there any way to start seeing my roommate?

– Va.

Va.: Is your roommate even willing to risk her bond with her sister to be with you? This is really her call. If she is, then tell the sister why you’re breaking up with her. Her reaction will tell you what comes next.

Dear Carolyn: My brother is getting married to a great woman. However, her family is rife with tension. They are vacillating between holding the wedding out of town and inviting only immediate family members and eloping. My husband and I offered to lend them the cost of the wedding package they prefer. I don’t want to place more pressure on them, but I hate the idea of not being able to attend because his fiancee’s family can’t hold their mud.

– California

California: It’s exactly this kind of seething about exactly this kind of stuff that, over time, produces exactly the kind of family that makes people want to elope. You have great intentions. Nevertheless, your offer in itself is pressure, and the couple needs a reprieve from family pressure more than you need a family celebration.

That’s because a wedding is only a day. A big, warm, memorable day – if handled well - but still just a day.