Watson discusses anxiety struggles
On many sleepless nights, Bubba Watson thought he was going to die.
Alone in the darkness with only his thoughts to keep him company as he dealt with crippling anxiety that kept him up at night, Watson contemplated his mortality and often thought back to the passing of his father and namesake, Gerry, a former Green Beret who battled post-traumatic syndrome and died in 2010 after a long battle with cancer. Not even wonderful memories of his wife, Angie, and their two adopted children, Caleb and Dakota, gave him comfort enough to sleep.
His days weren’t easy, either.
“I had a lot of noise in my head,” Watson told Golfweek in a phone interview about some of his darkest moments some two years ago. “I thought I was going to die. It was rough.”
So, too, were the three times in recent years he was rushed to the hospital thinking his life was going to end from a heart attack. Or when he just didn’t feel like playing and wanted to withdraw from a tournament. Or the time 18 months ago when he tipped the scale at 162 pounds, some 30-35 pounds below his normal weight, because the fear raging through his body made eating nearly impossible.
“When I started losing the weight and was getting skinny, it gave me flashbacks to my dad,” Watson said. “So that gave me more mental issues, more anxiety.
“So I quit weighing myself.”
But the severe anxiety attacks relentlessly kept coming and his mind kept racing and he kept suffering. As did his work inside the ropes. Once ranked No. 2 in the world, the two-time Masters champion with 12 PGA Tour titles fell to No. 65 earlier this year. He has rarely contended since his most recent win in the 2018 Travelers Championship.
During this troubling time, Watson, who turns 42 on the fifth of November, sought professional help and was in frequent contact with doctors. He’s the first to tell you he has issues, plenty of them, and he'll readily admit he's on the jittery side and self-diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. He jokes about his zany sense of humor and his quirky ways, being a left-hander and all with a pink driver that sends missiles into the horizon. Remember the “Golf Boys” videos? The Instagram video posts of numerous trick shots, including blasting a golf ball through a watermelon? How he talked of the joy of playing video games hours on end?
But the big kid from the Florida panhandle town of Bagdad, who played on the same Milton High School golf team as fellow PGA Tour winners Boo Weekley and Heath Slocum, never let on to the
serious nature of what he has dealt with and continues to cope with. He was reluctant to fully discuss his issues during numerous interviews, especially when his weight loss was clearly visible and his game was in tatters.
But Watson has emerged on the other side, saying he’s feeling as good as he has in a very long time. And helping him battle the anxiety is talking about it.
“I’ve sought help in many different ways, many different forms, trying to overcome it,” Watson said. “It really comes down to me being nuts. I’m trying to make light of it because using humor helps. But it’s all in my head. It’s all anxiety.
“I think more people are speaking out about mental issues and I want to be one of them. I think it’s the only way to get through it. We’re designed to talk to people, to air it out, and get help. I am old enough now to realize my life is a waste if I don’t share, if I don’t try to get better myself so I can help other people.”
Over the years, Watson has often said he needs help, that he fears many things, including flying, crowded spaces, the spotlight, and now COVID-19. He worries about being a good father, good husband, good Christian, a good friend. He continues to be distressed about living life as a celebrity, about being a two-time Masters champion, about what is said and written about him in newspapers and on social media, although he admits his actions at times have made him an easy target.
When confronted with breaking points, Watson instead turned to family, faith and friends.
His wife is his voice of reason. And his tight inner circle provides a strong support group, including his longtime caddie, Ted Scott.