Relationship on the rocks

Dear Abby: My man of three years and I are at a crossroads. He has gone from my boyfriend, to fiance, back to boyfriend, to friend, to “I don’t know what he is now.” He showers me with gifts and material things, which really don’t mean a lot to me. I thank him often for the things he does, and I reciprocate them.

What matters more to me are simple gestures like checking to make sure I get home safely, accepting and acknowledging my friends, acknowledging me on Mother’s Day, asking how my day was, taking me out from time to time instead of always saying he doesn’t want to go.

I have explained to him time and time again how I want to be treated, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I have given him chance after chance to get it right. Is it time for me to move on?

– Impatient in Alabama

Dear Impatient: Yes, it is. If, after three years, your man still hasn’t gotten the message that material things are unimportant to you, and being treated with consideration is paramount, then it isn’t GOING to happen.

Dear Abby: My mother has been visiting family members’ graves each year for many years. In the past she placed cut flowers on the graves, but recently she has begun leaving live potted flowers. What I learned recently is she and her friend return to the cemetery, remove them and take them home. When I asked her why, her response was, “If I don’t take them, someone else will.” Am I wrong to think this is odd?

– Unusual in the West

Dear Unusual: I checked with two cemeteries here in Los Angeles where I reside and asked if what your mother has been doing is common practice. Both said they had never heard of such a thing. Cut flowers are removed weekly from the graves after they wilt; potted plants are allowed to remain for the family to maintain when they visit.