TELL ME ABOUT IT

Hello, Carolyn: I’m a 72-year-old male and consider myself a feminist in the sense of equality.

Not infrequently, and more so in medical facilities for some reason, I have interacted with women who refer to other female employees as girls: “Give these papers to the girl at the front desk,” or some such.

Since they may not see me cringe, hidden by my masks, what can I say to object? Not to offend, but still make it clear this is really demeaning? I know they are working hard, but, really?

– L.

L.: You, a man, cannot tell women what does or does not demean them. Because that is demeaning, to suggest they cannot think for or competently represent themselves.

Also, women can use “girl” because it’s their sex, and the term is meant to diminish them; they can adopt it or co-opt it as they please.

They also may very well say “guy” in analogous situations, which would make “girl” perfectly fine by the standards you’re applying. Man/woman, gentleman/lady, guy/girl, boy/girl, male/female – all pass the gender-bias test when used in matched sets. It’s the persistent use of man/girl, or man/lady, man/ female - or woman/guy! - that gets a soul into trouble.

If you don’t know whether these women use “guy” in the same context, because there has never actually been a “guy” at the front desk or window or counter to whom you’ve given your papers? Then a feminist man concerned about equal opportunity for women might want to make the ongoing, disproportionate reliance on women to fill what are generally low-paid, dead-end, public-facing, crucial clerical positions, and the lingering effects in the workplace of centuries of American male chauvinism that represents, the focus of his well-meaning concern.