Man weighed down by sadness

Dear Abby: I’ve been separated from my wife for about four years, at her request. It was justified. I wasn’t the best husband. I wasn’t abusive, but I was sad and feeling sorry for myself, like now.

I took her for granted and didn’t show her the affection she deserved, but I have been going to therapy to work through issues that I had suppressed for decades that contributed to me being a bad husband. I wanted to try counseling with her, but she was done and refused, which I’m still saddened by.

As of today, she has a new boyfriend but still hasn’t filed for divorce. I’m struggling because she and her new boyfriend hang out with people I grew up with. It’s my own hang-up, I know, but it makes me feel embarrassed and like I can never hang out with my friends again. I get upset when I see posts on Facebook with her and her boyfriend that my family have added heart emojis or nice comments to. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed in some way? Is my estranged wife belittling me by not filing for divorce and hanging out with my friends and a new boyfriend? Are my friends and family betraying me by being friends with them?

– Broken Beyond Repair

Dear Broken: Marriages end for many reasons. If I read your letter correctly, your wife left because she could no longer cope with someone who was in a chronic state of depression, not because you were a “bad husband” or had some flaw in your character.

You are doing your best to improve your mental state, and for that I applaud you. You should not feel embarrassed or humiliated because she has found a new relationship. Please discuss these feelings with your therapist so you can move beyond them.

It may also be time to take the initiative and file for the divorce. And because posts on the internet about your almostex and her boyfriend cause you pain, block or delete them rather than obsess.