Distance tests engagement

Dear Abby: I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 21⁄2 years. We are now engaged, but haven’t set a date for our wedding.

We are both in the military, and we have maintained this relationship well. But there was a time before we dated that I was dating someone else. I ended that relationship, but haven’t healed from it because I see him at work often, and I still have feelings for him.

He lives in my neighborhood, and I enjoy talking to him. I like the attention he gives me, and I’m attracted to him. I blame the geographical distance from my fiance for this. I want someone close, and I would love for it to be the person I am engaged to, but although I try to abstain from this other person, I find myself drawn to him.

– Caught Between Two

Dear Caught: You say you have been together with your absent fiance for 21⁄2 years, but are still carrying on an emotional affair with the man you broke up with. When you say you are “trying to abstain” from this person, clearly you can’t.

What is going on isn’t fair to the man you are engaged to. If he knew, I’m sure he would agree. Do not chalk this up to “when I’m not with the man I love, I love the one I’m with.” Be honest about what you really want, follow through, and you won’t be writing me again years from now asking what to do.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at Dear Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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