Disabled adult son is left off wedding guest list

Dear Abby: I have been married to my second husband for more than 15 years. My 30+-year-old son from my first marriage, who was born disabled, lives with us. He walks and talks, but cannot be left unattended. He also needs medication. He cannot read or write, but looks like he has no medical issues at all.

I have no extended family members in the state. My husband and I were invited to a family wedding. However, my disabled son was not. Bride’s rule: No children allowed. I pointed out that he is older than she is. He sees this relative several times a year.

Child care is hard to find and expensive. I do not know if others tried to get the bride to change her mind. My husband attended alone while my son and I spent the evening with friends and had fun. He didn’t say anything to cause a confrontation.

Please share your thoughts. I get very sad whenever family events come around and she is there. Life is different when you have a family with special needs.

– Hurt in the East

Dear Hurt: I agree, life is different for families in which someone has special needs. If you haven’t already, I think you have the right to express your feelings to the bride. It would be better than silently nursing a grudge and fuming when you see her.

While it would have been nice if she had included your son in the invitation, she was within her rights to invite – or exclude – anyone if she had concerns. Because your husband was able to represent the family while you and your son had fun elsewhere, from my perspective, everything turned out well.