Cheating husband obsesses over wife’s young lover

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for 21 (mostly) happy years. However, last year I had an affair that lasted for several months. I confessed to my wife, and we separated for about a month while I tried to evaluate what I should do. In the end, I returned home and asked for forgiveness and reconciliation. Obviously, my wife has struggled with my infidelity, but, to her credit, she’s trying hard to make things work. During our separation, we had little contact, and she told me that for revenge she had slept with someone else. I know that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, but the guy is less than half our age, and I’m struggling with the mental image and thoughts of trying to match his level of stamina and energy (if you know what I mean).

I know I messed up, but I love my wife with my whole heart and I’m working hard to demonstrate it. How do I purge my thoughts of the image of my wife with another man?

– Remorseful in California

Dear Remorseful: It may not be easy. (Don’t you think your wife has had similar mental images of you and the woman you cheated with?) Infidelity hurts everyone involved. You and your wife are working to remain reunited. Concentrate on that rather than preoccupy yourself with your insecurities, and you’ll both be better off.

Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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