Couple confronts Alzheimer’s in heartfelt memoir
A recent memoir by Elizabeth Berg, “I’ll Be Seeing You,” was about the dementia difficulties Berg had with her parents as they rapidly went downhill in their late 80s, suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
“In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss” is also about this disease. But author Amy Bloom deals with the reality for her and her husband, Brian, who had Alzheimer’s, in an entirely different way. Brian’s dementia was noticeable for three years. He wanted to go to Zurich, Switzerland, and die there with Dignitas which helps a person end his or her life with contentment and tranquility. There are only a few criteria to be met:
You must be of sound mind, have medical records that prove it, and be able to get to Zurich.
True, it is very expensive to use Dignitas – $10,000 – plus the cost of flying overseas, and the four-day stay in a hotel and meals, while preliminary visits with doctors take place for those four days.
Ten states allow assisted dying in America, but there are stringent rules to follow. Once Brian was diagnosed, following an MRI, there was no denying that there was a “glass wall” between the couple. What had been a wonderful marriage had deteriorated to a day-after-day navigation that was more like a roller coaster.
Despite its topic, there are amusing sections to this book, though the humor is at times arguably black. The couple discuss giving Brian something to kill him. They question whether a woman her age would be sent to do hard time for assisting her husband to die. “I could go to jail,” she said. To which he responded, “You’d do great in jail. You’re so resourceful; you’re a leader. You’d be great.”
It is such a cruel disease. Perhaps reading a book like this can offer solace to some in a family who feel they are alone in dealing with this illness. Six million people in America suffer from Alzheimer’s, and two-thirds are women.
Bloom offers some ideas to think about when you want to talk about your concerns. Bloom is the best-selling author of “White Houses” and has been a National Book Award finalist.