Eye contact is a skill that’s worth learning
A Russian poet who was visiting a wealthy American in his home noticed a huge, magnificent moose head mounted on the wall. He asked his host how he could shoot such an impressive animal.
“It was easy,” said the American. “He didn’t look me in the eye. If he had looked me in the eye, I couldn’t have shot him.”
My good friend Nido Qubein, president of High Point University, told me this story to illustrate the power of establishing eye contact.
“When you look people in the eye, they become more than passing acquaintances,” Nido said. “They become people with whom you interact, if only briefly.”
He added: “When speaking to anyone, whether it’s your mother or an audience of thousands, try to establish eye contact. If you don’t, your listeners may tune you out.”
Numerous studies conducted over the years have confirmed that eye contact plays an important role in both verbal and nonverbal communication. A person can communicate with their eyes and never say a word.
Unfortunately, eye contact has become somewhat of a lost skill. Many people seem to be constantly looking down at their smartphone, even though individuals are right in front of them. You might need to disconnect to connect with people.
Making eye contact is a skill that can be learned. It might take a little practice, but it can have a significant impact on your work and personal life.
The first step is to just relax and smile. A smile generally puts others at ease. Everything seems much easier with a smile.
Next, practice eye contact with people you trust, such as family and friends, even pets. Use a mirror, or record yourself on your smartphone. Practicing will help you overcome nervousness and gain confidence.
Studies show that you should maintain eye contact twice as much when listening than when you are talking to show you are paying attention.
Caution: Don’t overdo it! You don’t want to stare, so look away every once in a while – to the side, not up or down. Pick a focal point near the eyes. Some suggestions are to look at only one eye, as I have done for years, or eyebrows, forehead, mouth or one ear. The important point is to shift your gaze. Be careful not to be robotic.
Remember that the other person may be feeling just as awkward. There is nothing wrong with putting a little space between you and the other person.
According to the Greek philosopher Aristotle, good eye contact shows the intangible characteristic of integrity. In other words, when you’re telling the truth, good eye contact tells the other person that you are credible.
Mackay’s Moral: Looking into someone’s eyes changes the entire conversation.