Go through the work and learn how to speak

I’ve always been a smooth talker. As a child, I could talk circles around my peers and family. Ironically, being somewhat introverted, I didn’t often display my secret super power. If I’d had a special costume to wear under my school clothes, it might have featured a big pair of lips and a microphone as part of the logo. Hah! Take that, Wonder Woman!

That costume never materialized, but I did manage to stumble into a career where my super powers can be used for good, in at least two ways. First, I’m able to put ideas into words that help others understand the complexities of job search and career development.

And second, I’ve found that I can provide the words, or at least the framing for the words, that others can use themselves. That is, I can coach job seekers on what to actually say.

As it turns out, job seekers appreciate this service more than I would have expected. For someone who takes words for granted, it was a learning process to see the lengths others will go to avoid saying the wrong thing or feeling foolish.

Indeed, I eventually discovered that being at a loss for words – or fearing that possibility – inhibits people at just about every stage of a career or job search. For lack of words, I’ve found people hesitating to request projects, promotions or salary increases; declining to make outreach to employers to discuss job opportunities; holding back from attending networking functions or from contacting people they don’t already know well...there’s almost no career development task, it seems, that isn’t impacted when someone feels un-confident about the wording to use.

Understanding this truth has led to multiple “aha” moments for me. For example, now it makes more sense (although it’s still not good strategy) that job seekers might prefer completing online applications over composing emails or calling department managers directly.

Likewise, I can grasp now why networkers find comfort in memorizing “elevator speeches” instead of trusting themselves to converse naturally, and why interview candidates seek answers online for common questions rather than simply identifying the message they want to impart and adapting that message to suit the questions.

If I’m describing you, then it’s time to move forward with confidence.

The first thing I want to tell you is that personalized, direct communication is always better than the alternatives, even when it’s delivered in a halting or hesitant manner. You will get better at the delivery but only by repeating the exercise multiple times.

The next thing you should know is that even smooth talkers have processes to help them along. In my case, it’s a series of what-if scenarios and a short list of prioritized talking points. Believe it or not, I follow these steps for nearly every planned communication. Whether it’s a short voicemail I’m intending to leave, an email I’m writing, or a face-to-face meeting I’m headed into, I ask myself the same questions every time:

1. What’s the purpose of the communication, and what’s my role (am I initiating and leading? Listening and responding?)

2. What are my talking points?

3. What are some possible ways the communication could evolve? For example, if it’s a phone conversation and I’m asking for a meeting, have I considered that they could say yes, no, or perhaps later? Do I have dates in mind, as well as an appropriate, “Sorry that won’t work out” response?

If this process looks helpful to you, try it out and make the adjustments that suit you. And if you’re currently in job search, decide which form of communication you feel most comfortable with – writing emails, making calls, networking in person, etc. – then look for ways to use this strength to your advantage.

Regardless of the methodology you choose, remember that you can always seek help from a smooth talker to craft phrases and word choices for the topics you’re having trouble describing. And don’t forget that groups like Toastmasters (www. toastmasters.org) can help you overcome some of your communication fears by providing safe opportunities to speak in public.

However you tackle this issue, know that it will be worth your effort. If you’re currently locked out of opportunities for a lack of words, it’s time to find your voice.