Life is no toy story for ex-Giant

If you think playing football is tough on the body, try living with its effects in retirement.

Brad Benson, 61, an offensive lineman on the Giants’ first Super Bowl champion 30 years ago, has undergone a 14-hour back surgery and three hip replacements.

“I call him Mr. Potato Head,” ex-teammate Carl Banks told the New York Daily News. “Everything has been replaced.”

Patriot Names Dept.

The Patriots, who came so close to doing it nine seasons ago, have landed the trademark rights to the slogans “Perfect Season” and “19-0.” “We’ve got dibs on 0-16,” said the Detroit Lions.

Not so fast, Bolt

Ex-NFL star Deion Sanders, 49, says not even Usain Bolt could have beaten him in a race when Sanders was in his prime. In Bolt’s defense, though, he would have been only 5 or 6 at the time.

Cashing out

Sheldon Adelson pulled his financial backing — $650 million — out of the Raiders’ proposed move to Las Vegas, and Goldman-Sachs quickly did likewise. A cynic might say the Raiders have two black holes now.

Headlines

■ At SportsPickle.com: “Ben Roethlisberger discloses he’s been given between 1 and 700 months to live.”

■ Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the annual Puppy Bowl before the Super Bowl: “My, how the mighty have fallen. Rex Ryan is coaching the North team.”

■ Ex-Giants lineman Brad Benson, to the New York Daily News, when asked if football was the cause of all his post-playing ailments: “I was on the badminton team at Penn State for a while. You can blame it on that if you’d like.”

■ At TheKicker.com: “Desperate to save Vegas deal, Mark Davis bets the whole team on red.”

Name game

Among those signing college letters of intent with Illinois State: a 6-foot-7, 280pound lineman named Kobe Buffalomeat. Something tells us this guy might have an NFL future with the Bills.

Tom terrific? No kidding

What, you think it’s easy playing golf with Tom Brady? As Graeme McDowell told AP, recalling a round in the Bahamas: “I said, ‘Come on, mate. You’re married to Gisele, you’re Tom Brady the quarterback and you’re hitting it 20 yards by me. Stop it. Be bad at something.’”

Dog days of winter

Sure sign the apocalypse is near: last week’s Puppy Bowl XIII’s newest techie gizmo will be something called the Lick Cam.

Fight, fight, fight

A group of former cheerleaders has filed a proposed class-action lawsuit against the NFL and 26 teams, alleging that management actively conspired to underpay them and keep them from negotiating better salaries.

The plaintiffs are reportedly seeking somewhere between two bits/four bits/ six bits and 300 million dollars.

Fired Bills coach Rex Ryan on why he finds TV work preferable to coaching right now: “You don’t lose.”