Pursuit of young talent goes a bit too far

Does Lane Kiffin coach at Florida Atlantic, or Bring ’Em Young?

The FAU football coach just offered a scholarship to a 13-year-old, Kaden Martin, the son of USC offensive coordinator Tee Martin.

So what’s next — Kiffin showing up, hat in hand, at Serena Williams’ next ultrasound exam?

Headlines

■ At SportsPickle.com: “EA Sports announces Madden 18 with Tom Brady on the cover will have ‘the most cheat codes ever.’”

■ At TheKicker.com: “Skip Bayless blasts LeBron for resting between series.”

Pass the carrots

Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians is coming out with a book titled “The Quarterback Whisperer.”

Spoiler alert: The secret to winning over Ben Roethlisberger is two sugar cubes and a scratch between the ears.

Tanks a lot

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban says his team lost on purpose this past season after it was eliminated from playoff contention.

Which also probably explains their 8-7 game score against the Nets.

What a way to go

NBA combine question of the year: Kansas guard Frank Mason III says he was asked how he preferred to die.

No truth to the rumor his answer was, “Getting drafted by the Nets.”

Watch your exhaust

NASCAR made driver Carl Long strip the logo of “Veedverks” — a marijuana-vaping company — from his car.

On the bright side, though, Long still gets to smoke his tires.

Watch your wallet

Dozens of countries were hit by a huge cyberextortion attack recently.

Speaking of which, the invoice for your personal seat license should be arriving in the mail any day now.

Paging O Henry

Hear about the modern-day remake of “The Ransom of Red Chief ”?

Hackers get their hands on the Cleveland Browns’ 2017 highlight film and try to hold it for ransom.

Holding call

Weather problems have pushed the opening of the Rams and Chargers’ new stadium in Inglewood, Calif., back a full year, until 2020.

The construction agreement, we assume, spells out a delay-of-games penalty.

Talking the talk

■ Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., on former Olympic skater Michelle Kwan filing for divorce from Clay Pell: “Word is he has gone into hiding and swears he is being followed by Jeff Gillooly.”

■ Jazz swingman Joe Ingles, to the Deseret News, on opposing players’ complaints that Salt Lake City has no nightlife: “I’ve got 9-month-old twins. My nightlife finishes about 8 p.m.”

On a fast break

Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard was pulled over in Dunwoody for going 95 mph in a 65-mph zone.

His lawyers plan to put up an unusual defense: He wasn’t in the lane for three seconds.