For Iowa, a baseball season to relish

Batter. urp? Iowa’s fun-loving baseball team staged a midgame hotdog eating contest in the dugout — and went on to win the Big Ten tournament.

“I’ve never been prouder,” said Hawkeyes strength and conditioning coach Joey Chestnut.

Sorry he asked

Speaking of fishing, Charles Barkley was looking for a compliment when he crashed a Wayne Gretzky/ Paul Coffey news conference before Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Final.

■ Barkley: “Who is your favorite black athlete of all time?”

■ Gretzky, without blinking: “Grant Fuhr.”

Stretch play

This just in: The end zones are getting bigger!

At least, what other reason could there possibly be for Nebraska announcing it will widen some seats in the north end of Memorial Stadium?

Chaminade lives

Unsung Singapore eliminated top-seeded Scotland with a stunning 5-2 opening-round win at the World Cup of Darts. The first congratulatory phone call, we assume, came from Buster Douglas.

Neigh-saying

Australian steed Horsey McHorseface, who collected his first win in just his fourth race, told horse whisperers his biggest regret is:

A) Getting his name because of the “Boaty McBoatface” ship-naming fiasco B) Being a gelding C) Having Brian Bosworth continually refer to him as “Elway”

Grab a No. 2 pencil

“It ain’t over” at a Stanley Cup Final game in Nashville until: A) the fat lady sings B) the final catfish hits the ice

C) Elvis has left the building

Alley oops

North Carolina basketball star Luke Maye escaped uninjured after his car flipped several times recently. Overzealous Tar Heels publicists immediately credited him with the offseason’s first turnover.

Talking the talk

■ Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after two Cleveland fans mowed “Cavs” and “Defend the Land” into their yards: “Those are some mowing skills. I’m ecstatic when I finish cutting the grass and still have all 10 toes.”

■ Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on the best thing about having kidney stones: “It takes your mind off Stephen A. Smith.”

Old habits die hard

Police arrested former NBA player Ben Gordon on suspicion of pulling several fire alarms at the Los Angeles apartment complex he lives in. Say this much for Gordon: He’s still trying to draw charges.

Gastronomics

If sabermetricians ever want to apply their analytics to competitive eating, acronyms like GUT (Gastro Unloading Trouble), TUMS (Tummy Under Massive Stretching) or BURP (Belly Undergoing Rapid Packing) might be a good start.