Battling with husband over the kids’ screen time

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: My husband decided the kids (two preschoolers, one elementary-age) should have no screen time in the morning. That would be fine, except that I get up much earlier than he does. We both work.

At any given time, I have kids dancing around me in the bathroom, begging me to watch them do X or help them do Y.

When they had screen time in the mornings — after getting dressed, etc. — I was free to get ready in peace.

I’ve asked my husband a few times to start getting up earlier to help me with the kids, and he said he would, but hasn’t.

You think I’m OK to let the kids have screens again in the morning? Or should I just learn to ignore the kids, as my husband has advised me to do? He will be angry about allowing screen time again. — Up Earlier

Carolyn says: Oh this drives me nuts. One parent unilaterally imposing a rule that makes life harder only for the other parent has a lot of stinkin’ nerve.

So say this to him. Suggest that he either get up earlier or pick a different battle on the screen thing, because what he’s doing is disrespectful of your equal say in how you two raise your kids.

One of those different screen-time battles can be to implement, together, something else for the kids to do in the morning — a toy or game they love that’s available to them only in that morning time, or age-appropriate morning chores they can do, with his supervision at first but eventually on their own so he can sleep in.

Or they spend the time with books instead of screens, and you make it stick with incentives. Or you find a mutually agreeable way to make their use of screens educational.

Whatever it is, it needs to be something both of you choose, versus a tax that he levies and only you have to pay.

Or you stand over the bed until he gets his entitled butt out of it. There’s always that.

Dear Carolyn: I have a relative whom I genuinely love, despite our very different views on politics. That’s never been a problem. However, he is now considering running for public office in our community. If he does, how do I handle it?

I think his political views would be dangerous to our society if they were implemented. Should I decline to support him? Actively campaign for his opponent? — Relative

Carolyn says: Only your conscience knows where “the better angels of [your] nature” are more wisely deployed — serving your community or your family — and what consequences you’re prepared to live with.

His running would put you in a tough spot, but I suspect when you strip your choices down to their foundations, the right one will seem obvious.