Sisters’ lifelong rivalry escalates into silence

Dear Abby: Our daughters aren’t speaking. One says she really doesn’t ”like” the ot her.T hese are mature women who have had their differences throughout their lives. But they have tolerated each othe r,onem ore than the other.

The older one claims her sister posted not-sonice things about her. The younger one threatens not to attend any gatherings if her sister is there. This needs to be resolved before years go by and our family is torn apart.

They stopped speaking a month ago — on their dad’s birt hday y et.It was one of the worst days of our lives. We’re inour8 0s, a ndImay never again see them together. The older one says she’s willing to go to counseling, but the younger refuses.

We’re desperate for a reconciliation. They don’t have to be best friends, just be civil and tolerate a holiday together for our sake. Please advise. — Helpless and Sad in Dallas

Dear Helpless and Sad: Unless both of your daughters are willing to accept counseling or mediation, they will not reconcile. For your younger daughter to resorttoemotional blackmail (”if she’s there, I won’t be”) is despicable. Please do not give in to it. Tell her that if she decides to change her mind, she’s always welcome, and then proceed without her. You may be desperate f or a reconciliation, but until your daughters are, it won’t happen and you will have to accept it.

Dear Abby: Recently I was listening to a couple talking a boutwhoand who not to invite to a wedding because seating was limited.

I’m wondering whether there would be anything wrong with sending out a letter stating that although theyw ould liketoinvite everyone, seating is limited. Explain that, of course, immediate family (parents, siblings and their spouses) would be invited without exception. However, the remaining seating would be on a ”lottery” basis. If people accept the invitation, they would be in the lottery and then notified of the results.

Is this acceptable? I think it would solve a lot of problems. Just wondering. — Just a Thought in Ohio

Dear Just a Thought: If I were you, I would forget this concept. Depending upon the size of the guest list, I strongly suspect i t would offend anyonewhod idn’t ”win” the lottery.

Dear Abby: I sometimes have social anxiet y.I would like to go ou t with friends and acquaintances, but Iw orry I won’t have enough to talk about or won’t know what to say, and it makes me nervous. Do y ou hav e any advice? — Loner in Illinois

Dear Loner: Almost everyone has social anxiety to some extent. If your onlyw orry is that you won’t have enough to talk about, don’t let it stop you. Most people like to talk about themse lvesand will appreciate a good listener.

If you would like to bring up topics, listen to the news or read your newspaper and jot down afew topics. If your level of anxiety is so high that you cannot interac tw ith others, then it’s time to discuss it with your physician a ndaskfora referral to someone who can give you medical and psychological help.