Florida woman really took the bait

Drunk as a fish? No kidding!

An intoxicated 22-yearold woman in St. Augustine, Fla., bit into an angler’s fishing line and swam off with his lure before being apprehended. In keeping with the theme, the St. Johns County Sheriff ’s Office declared her the catch of the day.

Hellbent for leather

Notre Dame will wear Knute Rockne tribute uniforms when the Irish play Navy on Nov. 18. Now comes the tough part: Convincing the players to wear leather helmets.

He said it

Tom Cuddy of Boston’s WBZ Radio, after Norwegian cross-country ski champ Therese Johaug tested positive for a banned substance in her lip balm: “Kiss the 2018 Winter Olympics goodbye.”

Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on angst over people upset that USC’s mascot horse, Traveler, has the same name as Robert E. Lee’s steed: “Not a USC fan, but clearly we have run out of more important things of which to be offended.”

Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen, after British Columbia banned trophy hunting for grizzly bears: “Unfortunately, it came 17 years too late to save our NBA team from being poached.”

No drug shortage

Tiger Woods had five drugs in his system when he was arrested for DUI. “Lightweight!” sniffed Italian bodybuilder Claudio Stella, who tested positive for 20 (20!) banned substances in a single test.

Bottom of the bowl

Your move, Poulan WeedEater! The St. Petersburg Bowl in Florida has been renamed the ... drum roll, please ... Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.

Modern-day Cubism

The Iowa State Fair displayed a replica of the Solheim Cup made entirely of butter. What’s next, an America’s Cup concocted out of caviar?

Bring extra ink

LPGA rookie Sherman Santiwiwatthanaphong will be the first golfer ever disqualified for running out of ink while signing her scorecard.

He’s on the green

Pot-loving country singer Willie Nelson owns a ninehole golf course in Briarcliff, Texas. We would have guessed Weed, Calif.

He’s in the dark

Alabama football coach Nick Saban didn’t make any schedule concessions to witness the recent solar eclipse, saying, “I haven’t thought about it.” Easy to say for a guy whose offensive linemen already block out the sun.

Quote marks

NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, after 20-year-old Nobel winner Malala Yousafzai got accepted to Oxford University: “When she puts her Nobel Prize on the shelf, her roommate will quietly put away all her youth-soccer trophies.”

Peter Heck, via Twitter, after ESPN reassigned Robert Lee from the booth at Virginia’s football opener in Charlottesville because of his name: “If this is the new standard for removing broadcasters from the air, I’m now determined to find a confederate soldier who was named Joe Buck.”