Millennials and sexual harassment

Two weeks ago I wrote a “Me Too” column describing my response to being sexually harassed on numerous occasions in my early career. That piece generated a strong response from readers, many of whom described their own experience of being harassed — often at an early stage of their work lives.

Although my main objective in writing the column was to express my views about power dynamics in the workplace, the message that resonated with readers was the survivability of this situation. As in: If/when this happens, you can survive and move forward in your career.

Many of my correspondents said they didn’t know what to do when they were harassed. Some quit their jobs, others tried to report the situation, others kept quiet. In that light, I’d like to offer advice directly to millennial women and men who might be harassed in the workplace. This isn’t meant to be a comprehensive list of responses or steps, but it’s something to start with.

Believe yourself.

It doesn’t matter if what you just experienced “really” was sexual harassment. It does matter if someone else’s comment, innuendo or touch made you feel uncomfortable.

Be safe.

If you feel like something could escalate, remove yourself from the situation. If you need to offer a reason, say “I don’t feel well.” Confide in someone. This is different from reporting the behavior, which may come later. For the moment, you need perspective so you can clarify for yourself what happened, how you feel about it, and what you want to do next.

Weigh your options and the risks.

Options range from doing nothing to confronting or reporting the harasser to quitting your job. Risks for any response you make could include some form of retaliation, while the rewards could include an apology or vindication at a higher level. As part of your risk analysis, consider what would happen if you needed to quit or were fired.

Consider the direct approach.

A surprising number of harassers will stop when told to do so. Of course, others won’t, so this isn’t foolproof. But you won’t know unless you try, so consider simply saying, “This conversation makes me uncomfortable” or “I won’t tolerate you touching me again.”

Be cautious about reporting to Human Resources.

I hate to even type those words but so many of the stories I’ve heard have presented HR as being neutral or part of the problem, rather than helpful. Consider the culture in your workplace before you make the decision to discuss this with HR.

Document the situation.

This is partly so you can report accurately if needed, but largely so you can keep track for yourself what is going on. It’s easy to let things slide so that you barely remember what was said by whom. This matters because you may find yourself slowly accepting things as normal that really aren’t. On the other hand, you could discover that what bothered you initially isn’t as important to you as it was earlier. Having an account to review will give you perspective.

Educate yourself.

As a starting point, the American Academy of University Women has good information on the subject of workplace harassment. Be willing to leave.

Of course you shouldn’t have to leave a job just to escape harassment. But neither should you stay if you have viable alternatives elsewhere. In my experience, the feeling of being trapped magnifies the trauma of assault or abuse. Just knowing you can leave may be enough to protect your mental well-being while you deal with the situation.

Build your career on its own merits.

When young people encounter difficulties in their careers, contrary issues can get conflated. For example, the most egregious harassment in my career occurred in the largest organization I worked for. The result? I vowed never to work for a major corporation again. In hindsight, that was overkill of laughable proportions — I reacted as if every large corporation (and only large corporations) would be rife with sexual harassers and managers bent on protecting them. Well, that’s a 20-something for you. With a little counsel and a clearer head, I would have separated the issues to identify the best workplace for my career path.

As a final word of advice, let go of regret. Blaming yourself for what someone else does will not be productive. Strive instead to learn from each circumstance, and to move forward in confidence that the next situation can and will be better.