Deciding who will take care of your children if the worst happens

No one wants to think or talk about it, but choosing someone to look after your children if you die could be one of the most important decisions you make as a parent.

That question hit my husband and me hard one awful day a few years ago when my eldest brother died of a heart attack and hadn’t left a will. He was survived by the mother of his two children. But that event, coupled with the fact that my husband’s job as a law enforcement officer takes us to some dangerous locations around the world, made us realize that we needed to prepare for anything.

My brother’s death was a horrible reminder that no one is invincible. And all of us — especially parents — need to prepare for life after our deaths. Most important, we need to think about whom we want to raise our kids if we are not around to do it.

I would be lying if I said this was an easy decision. We narrowed the choice to two of my siblings, for geographic and practical reasons. But asking someone to take on two extra children — even if the chances are slim that both of us would die before they are grown — is no trivial matter. There are so many considerations, including who would look after them in a parenting style similar to your own, what would happen with their education or even who has room in their house.

We chose the brother nearest to my parents, who could provide additional support. Fortunately, he and his wife said yes when we broached the sensitive question with them; I’m not sure what we would have done if they had said no.

We all hope this is something that will never be needed, but as I learned when my brother died, we don’t know what is around the next corner. It’s better to be prepared for anything.