Hopeful inheritor needs to pipe down at funerals

Dear Miss Manners:

A woman of my acquaintance has a strange habit at funerals: She asks when the reading of the will is to take place.

I think it is vulgar, but perhaps I am mistaken. Is it OK to ask, or should one wait to be contacted by the executor or legal professional involved?

Gentle Reader: From how many deceased is this woman expecting money?

She should be told that you are sure “the pertinent parties will contact you if your presence is required.” Then Miss Manners suggests you place yourself between this woman and any open caskets.

Dear Miss Manners: My teenage son left his driver’s license at an airport restaurant. A worker there returned it to him in the mail. My son did not even realize it was missing, as he had other forms of ID.

I have asked him to write the sender a thankyou note, but he does not seem to think it is necessary. I have advised him that this person did a kind thing, and it would be nice for the sender to know the license was actually returned. What do you think?

Gentle Reader: Surely your son’s flippancy about having other forms of ID would have turned to panic the next time he got pulled over for speeding.

It is a simple enough gesture to write a thankyou letter for an act of kindness, especially one without which he could have found himself in much deeper trouble. Miss Manners acknowledges that this is not the point, but if the principle of kindness and reciprocal gestures does not resonate, abject fear might.

Dear Miss Manners: We often have friends over for casual dinners and they reciprocate regularly, which is very nice. When setting the table, we put out what most people will normally use for a meal: utensils, napkins, serving implements, salt and pepper shakers, and glassware for whatever beverage is being served (usually water, iced tea or wine).

Often we are told, “That’s too much stuff on the table,” and we politely ignore such remarks. When we go to the homes of others, we regularly find absolutely nothing on the table other than a single fork at each place. Plat- ters of food are presented with no serving utensils.

Invariably, someone will ask for a knife, a napkin, butter, a glass of water, etc., and then there is another frantic search of the kitchen for the requested item, with the hosts having to jump up and down frequently.

Whatever happened to “setting the table” — a very basic household chore that most of us learned at an early age?

Gentle Reader: What, indeed — especially since Miss Manners has no doubt that these same people registered at their weddings, birthdays and housewarmings for all that stuff they now deem excessive.

Rude observations of your correctly appointed table may be greeted with, “Maybe it’s strange, but we like to have all the eating implements we will need at the table so that we can fully enjoy your company.”