Getting out of an office baby shower

Dear Miss Manners:

I am a 31-year-old man who works in a midsized office comprised mostly of women. I am the only unmarried and childless man in the office. I am also gay, but not obviously so, and I am generally not lumped in as “one of the girls.” These are facts that I have used so far in my career to avoid many of the aspects of office culture that do not interest me. However, some obligations are harder to avoid than others. There will be a baby shower for a co-worker who is a member of my team. Although our team is small, the entire office will be participating in the shower, which will be held in the office during the lunch hour. Under most circumstances, I would quietly have some food and try to enjoy myself. But unfortunately, the catering will be Thai, and I am severely allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, cilantro and seafood.

I like my co-worker, but I am not a fan of showers of any type, and Thai food is an absolute no for me. I refuse to be the person who demands that others change pre-existing meal plans to accommodate my lifethreatening allergies, and I am especially not inclined to do so in this case.

Should I bring my own food to the shower? Or might I feign male ignorance, contribute to the office gift and ea t out alone, as per usual?

Gentle Reader: “Forced socialization” at the office is always a bad idea.

However, rather than blame your entire gender, why not feign work obligations instead? If said graciously (“I wish I could attend, but I am afraid that I have gotten behind on the Gramberry account”), it makes a much more valid point about not spending office time engaged in seemingly mandatory social activity. Just make sure that the motherto-be is not also working on the Gramberry account. Send questions to MissMannersat www.missmanners.com; dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.