Priest needs to turn down crowdfunding requests

Dear Miss Manners: As pastor of a Catholic parish, I often get requests for help, and usually the various organizations in our parish or diocese can reach out to assist the people who come by or call.

Lately, however, I have been receiving emails from people wanting me to publicize GoFundMe accounts for various individuals. We have no way of knowing if these accounts are legitimate, and if we agreed to include one account in our church bulletin, others would want us to include theirs, as well.

Do you have any suggestions as to how I can gently tell these people that we already have systems in place to help those in need, but that GoFundMe is not something we take part in?

Gentle Reader: Taking advantage of your divine intervention for nefarious purposes, Miss Manners has to think, is a special kind of sin. But even if intentions are good, these congregants must recognize that if you cannot do something for everyone, you should not do it for one. In secular terms, it is called policy.

Dear Miss Manners: I am wondering about the dictum that one should reciprocate a dinner invitation with a return invitation. What if one does not want to continue the acquaintance?

This situation has arisen several times over the years, but a recent one raises this unresolved question again. We were invited to a lovely dinner by a local couple. We were given a warm welcome, and the meal was beautifully prepared, taking into account some dietary restrictions of ours. However, the husband became drunk and somewhat abusive. It was an uncomfortable situation.

We left as soon as we gracefully could. We had brought flowers, and sent a thank-you note afterward. We would prefer not to be in that situation again.

Gentle Reader: The rule about reciprocating dinner invitations was meant to promote the pleasant longevity of the friendship. If one does not wish it to continue, Miss Manners assures you, the deal is void. But if it has happened several times, it does make her question the quality of your friends — or the wine that they are drinking.

Dear Miss Manners: My fiancee wants her mom and dad to walk her down the aisle. We are Jewish, and although this is not required by Jewish law, it is customary.

Her parents had a terrible divorce, and her dad doesn’t want to walk down the aisle with her mom. Should he have to do this? What’s the solution?

Gentle Reader: Anything that avoids a bickering march down that aisle.

Perhaps you can suggest that one of the parents walk your fiancee down the aisle and the other be given a different distinction, such as performing a reading or making the initial toast.

If there is further squabbling about who does what, Miss Manners suggests you kindly offer one of your own parents to perform the honor. That ought to help everyone quickly fall in line.