Stop allowing your past to define your present

Commentary

I spotted her on the first row, eyes filled with tears as I spoke about God’s healing of emotional wounds. Once the assembly dismissed, she was the first to come to my table, where she started sharing her burdens. She struggled with insecurities, addictions and broken relationships. She nodded in agreement as I spoke of God’s faithfulness and unconditional love. And yes, she agreed that he has the power to set anyone free.

But when I started talking about freedom from past experiences, she interrupted the conversation, mentioning the long list of reasons as to why her life was in such terrible shape. She had never felt loved as a child. She had always felt inadequate, insecure. She knew her love relationships would never last. In less than five minutes talking to the lady, the conversation turned from present circumstances to her past experiences. It became clear that she was allowing her past to define her present.

My heart ached for her, as I could relate to her sense of inadequacy and heartbreak. I certainly remember a time when all my troubles were, in my mind, as unchangeable as my past. But beyond sympathy, I felt like shaking this lady out of her trance. She has been caught, just as I once was, in a conspicuous, joy-stealing trap. Invariably, people who do that refuse to take ownership of their current situation, blaming past circumstances and their upbringing for everything bad that happens to them.

I know she is not alone. I’ve met several people with similar stories. From something as simple as parents who had no time when they were children, to verbally or physically abusive parents or spouses, many adults struggle with the weight of past experiences and traumas.

Although I believe God is grieved by what happened in our past, I am convinced he does not expect our past experiences to determine our present and future. As a matter fact, I believe he longs to show us that the bad experiences we’ve had can be used to strengthen us and help others. But we must, first and foremost, choose to let go. And, most importantly — we must set the people who hurt us free.

Strange as it may seem, if we are honest, we must admit that sometimes our past becomes a crutch that we drag along as the reason we cannot walk in victory. We justify our insecurities or bad temper because someone hurt us. Or it seems easier to blame mom or dad, the ex-boyfriend or spouse, than to take ownership of our lives, pressing on to a brighter destiny. All along, I imagine God, hands extended toward us saying: “Come. There is life beyond your pain. There is fullness of joy beyond your past. There is a future that is not determined by anything but your willingness to let go and embrace the life I offer you.”

It’s not easy. I know it too well. I used my “crutches” for far too many years. They were comfortable to me. But I found out that they were nothing but a trap, designed to keep me from reaching the purpose God had for my life. Once I realized that, I deliberately decided not to use my past to justify the way I behaved toward perfectly good people in my life. It was time to stand on my present, fully and hopeful, if I were to ever find fulfillment. My bad attitudes and impatience had to go. My insecurities and neediness had to leave. And I became determined to conquer them, by God’s grace and power.

He was there for me. With loving arms, God wrapped me in a love that I had never experienced before. His love was so deep and unconditional that it slowly erased all unforgiveness, pain and insecurities that had haunted me for years. It happened one step at a time, as I surrendered each burden and chose to forgive myself and others. Only then, after choosing to deliberately leave the past where it belonged, was I able to receive the healing, peace and joy that set me free.