Wedding kept under wraps may come to light during divorce

Dear Abby: I’m hopi ngyoucan help me with this situation. I have been married for 13 years but never told my family that I got marri ed.Inowwant to divorce my husband, but I don’t know how to approach it because he holds it over my head. Please help. I have fallen in love with someone else a ndIn eed to divorce my current husband and move on, but I don’t know how to tell my fam- ily. — Stuck in the Midwest

Dear Stuck: Obviously, you and your family aren’t close. What is he holdi ngoveryour head? The f actthatyou were married? Your family can’t miss something they have never had — in this instance, a relationship with the spouse you hid from them. So although they may be disappointed that you withheld the information, don’t expect them to grieve his “loss.”

You didn’t mention howl ong you’ve been involved with this other man, but you should not rush into another marriage. Perhaps this mess will teach you how important it is to live openly and honestly and not sweep things — like a husband —under the rug.

Dear Abby: Crazy question, but a serious one. Christmas is coming, so please answer quickly. When carolers come to the door, what’s the polite response to them? Wherewelive it’s usually bitter cold and snowy. Do you stand out there on your porch, just keep the door aja r,invitethem inside, serve them hot chocolate, coffee?

I’ve been ill at ease for years, and although it’s a tradition that seems to be falling by the wayside, I’dliketoknowwhat you have to say about it. Thank you so much. I enjoy reading your column. — Marcia in E astern Washington

Dear Marcia: All you need to do is give the carolers a heartfelt thank youfor their efforts. While one might be tempted to offer them a hot beverage — coffee or tea — a milky drink is not good for a performer’s throat, and it also might cause them to have to make frequent pit stops on their route, which would be counterproductive.

Dear Abby: Recently a f amilymember,anex-sister-in-law, sent out invitations on Facebook for her retirement party. A week after everyone had accepted, she posted that in order to attend, guests would have to buy aticketfor $ 50.Ifind this very tacky.

It’s not so much the $50, but the way it was presented. This woman was a profession alwitha great job. She has a large home and drives a luxury car. When I asked other fami lym embers and friends how they felt, for the most part they agreed with me. Needless to say, I will not be goi ng.What do you think? — Appalled Out West

Dear Appalled: I think that, under the circumstances, you should inform your former sister-in-l awthats ince you received the invitation your plans have changed, so you will be unable to attend after all. And when you do, don’t forget to wish her well in her retirement.