Social media wedding notices call for in-kind well wishes

Dear Miss Manners: My son and his fiancee decided they wanted a no-frills wedding at the beach: just him, his bride and, lucky for us, as parents we were at least invited. I was disappointed, as I would have liked to have had a wedding for our family and friends, but it’s ultimately about what they want for themselves.

Our relatives who live out of state were slighted that there wasn’t a wedding as well. While many acquaintances and notclose family members posted congratulations on social media, none of the immediate aunts and uncles acknowledged their wedding with a phone call or even a card. I’m upset with my sisters and brothers and in-laws that such an important day in the life of someone they claim to love so much went by without even a phone call within the month following.

When did social media become the accepted way forp eople who are family or close to you to send their wishes? While they were disappointed to not be given the chance to attend his wedding (it was planned in two weeks), my son is even more disappointed by their lack of interest.

Gentle Reader: As entertaining as this game of “Who was more slighted?” ma y be — particularly when playe d out with an audience on social media—there-appear-to be no winners. Miss Manners further questions how these family members might have even known about the wedding, had it not presumably been posted on social media in the first place.

If that is the case, they were simply responding in kind. If cards and calls were the goal, however, then you and/or your son should have sent out formal announcements or made personal phone calls with the new s. If that was what was done and the aforementioned postings were the response from your relatives, then forgive Miss Manners. Your son does, indeed, win the award for most justified grievance.

Dear Miss Manners: My colleague, Devon, loves to tell ribald jokes around the office. He often has us in stitches.

One thing I cannot stand, however, is when Devon makes me the butt of gay jokes in mixed company, essentially outing me. While I make no effort to hide my sexuality, I do believe I reserve the right as to how and to whom I disclose my orientation.

Although I have talked with him before about my feelings, his barbs continue apace. Short of reporting him to management, how might I find a lasting solution to this problem?

Gentle Reader: You could go just short of reporting him to management. That is, you can say, “I am sure that you mean it injest, but management has started to crack down on jokes about sexuality and other protected classes. They might view thi s as harassment ,and I would not want you to get fired.”

For all our sakes, Miss Manners hopes that your erstwhile friend does not then seek a new audience by taking his humor public.