Sarah Lerner ,38

An English and journalism teacher and yearbook adviser at Stoneman Douglas, she compiled stories from shooting survivors into a book. Two of her students, Jamie Guttenberg and Meadow Pollack, were killed.

I went to the cemetery on Sunday. The first place I went to was Meadow. I just got out of the car and I lost it. I was ugly crying. I apologized for what happened to her. I told Jamie that my daughter, Hannah, dedicates her competitive dances to her.

On Rosh Hashana I asked my rabbi if it would be OK to say Kaddish, the memorial prayer. I didn’t want to be disrespectful to those whose immediate family member had died. He’s like, “Of course it’s appropriate, Sarah. They meant so much to you.” It was just so awful, to say it for people who shouldn’t have gone so young and shouldn’t have gone that way.

Last night I got a call from a former student. It was almost 11 and she texted me, “Are you up?” She’s isolated because she’s far from home, and she hasn’t had a second to stop and process. She calls me “Mom.” That’s the relationship I have with these kids.

I can’t see myself teaching anywhere else. I feel safe at school. But it’s going to be a very heavy few days. On Thursday, I’m going to get a massage and get my nails done and have lunch with my brother and try not to watch the news. I just need to be.

Sarah Lerner, an English and journalism teacher and yearbook adviser, compiled stories from survivors of the shooting into a book. Two of her students were killed.