Choice of gifts should be the giver’s

Dear Miss Manners: My brother told me that he disapproved of my intention to give my teenage niece a small makeup kit as a gift. He said I should have asked his permission first.

I know my niece is allowed to wear makeup, as I have seen her do so at family functions. While I support his right to determine what is appropriate for his daughter, I feel the line should be drawn well short of dictating gift choices. Gift-giving is supposed to be an expression of regard from the giver to the recipient, is it not?

I took the time and thoughtfulness to choose a gift I thought my niece would enjoy. I ended up returning it in favor of a gift card to a big box store, since I didn’t see how my brother could object to that, but all the joy of giving the gift is gone.

Gentle Reader: Indeed. What fun is there in being the favorite aunt or grandparent if you can’t annoy the parents with presents that undo their rules and parenting in the process?

Miss Manners agrees that barring any truly bad taste or danger, presents should be up to the giver.

Dear Miss Manners: I’m in my early 60s and have found myself working in a department with co-workers who are all in the 25-to35 age range.

They are all smart and pleasant (some more than others), but in their daily back-and-forth banter they constantly make fun of older people. Life is not worth living once you hit 30, older people shouldn’t be taking zumba classes, are terrible with technology, are boring, shouldn’t have their picture — that sort of thing.

I realize this is “ageism,” but it doesn’t bother me enough to approach Human Resources. I’m at a loss for a witty comment that would gently point out that they are idiots. Can you suggest one, or would the attempt be simply ineffective?

Gentle Reader: Perhaps during these unpleasant sessions, you could helpfully remind them that you are there by continually saying, “What?” and asking them to repeat themselves. A lot.

If done with humor, Miss Manners hopes that even the most immature will surely get that you are demonstrating — and they are perpetuating — a silly stereotype. At minimum, the point will be made that they should keep their ridiculous and shortsighted opinions to themselves — or at least out of earshot.