Our young grandson is regressing

How can we help from afar?

Q: I’ve seen lots of articles about dealing with older children’s reactions to stay-at-home situations, but nothing for 3- to 4-year-olds. My grandson, who is almost 4, is too young to understand why he can’t go to preschool, play with his friends or visit his grandparents until the “germies” go away. Even when we do FaceTime, it can take him 20 minutes or more to decompress because he can’t see us in person. He has even gone backward in toileting routines, which isn’t pleasant. How can we help our wild child (and his parents, who are stuck with this behavior 24/7)?

A: Thank you for being a caring grandparent. Although most of the attention is paid to parents during this crisis (and understandably so), grandparents are facing their own challenges. Often isolated and unable to help the family they love, many grandparents are left feeling helpless and hopeless. Not to mention, it is so hard to not physically squeeze your precious grandchildren during this strange and awful time. Challenges are at every turn for parents and grandparents alike.

A 4-year-old’s mind is filled with both strong willfulness and magic. At this age, children want to express their opinions and be taken seriously, and they may also believe in the tooth fairy. Four-yearolds seek some independence, which is why they flourish in a supportive preschool, and they rely on routine to make them feel safe. They can spend some time apart from their attachments (parents, grandparents), but they do become needy for their special people. Four-yearolds can begin to express what is in their hearts and minds, but they are quite easily hijacked by their big emotions and can have a meltdown.

Take this already emotional time in a child’s life, and now turn his routine on its head. Gone is the morning routine, seeing his teacher and friends, and participating in activities. Add to this his inability to blow off steam at parks or with other children, the inexplicable fact that he is in the house all day, and most of all, extra technology and screens. Behavior is going to go south.

A 4-year-old isn’t mature enough to handle this change well, and because he cannot verbalize his big feelings, his body compensates