The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Wife with illness gets little help from husband
Dear Abby: I amayoung woman who has battled rheumatoid arthritis and Sjogren’s syndrome for the past eight years. My aunt passed away fromcomplications of it at the age of 43, and I’mgetting close to that age.
Since the beginning of the pandemic, I have become increasingly disabled. I can barely get out of bedwithout being in pain and cannot sleep. Household chores have become impossible, and I can get things done only near the end of the day when the swelling inmy joints goes down.
I saw how this disease robbed my aunt of her livelihood, but I also saw howmy uncle helped herwith almost everything. I lovemy husband, but he seems to think that I can just take a pill and instantly andmagically be fine, which is not true. He has unrealistic expectations ofme that I cannot meet.
I have tried to get him to understand this is a chronic disease that will be withme for the rest ofmy life, and I have given himmaterial to read, but he dismisses it. At this point, I feel like packing up and leaving because I’m a burden to himand I don’t know what else to do anymore. Advice? — Full of Pain
Dear Full of Pain: Packing up and leaving right now is not advisable. When couples promise each other they will stick together “in sickness and in health,” situations like the one in which you find yourself is what’s meant.
Does your doctor know the degree to which your health has declined in the last severalmonths? If not, put the person on notice! Schedule a consultation, if possible, and when you do, your husband should be with you so he can fully understand what’s going on and help you if you need it. If he isn’t capable of doing that, you will have tomake other arrangements for your care and for the housework you can no longermanage.
Please stop beating yourself up over this. You have done nothing wrong. Your husband could just as easily be the unwell spouse, if fate hadn’t decided otherwise.
Dear Abby: My friend just ended a relationship with her boyfriend of over two years that had progressed to themmoving in together. About eight months ago, she found out he was having an online relationship, but they talked it out and decided to give it another try. Now, after learning he has another woman on the line, she kicked himout.
Abby, he is working to get her back, and she seems to want to give himanother chance. I think it’s a losing game for her andmore disappointment down the line. My question is, how honest should I be about my unwillingness to go along with giving him a third chance? It seems like this leopard won’t change his spots. — Crystal Ball in Missouri
Dear Crystal Ball: If you haven’t already expressed your feelings to your friend, AND SHE ASKS YOU FOR YOUR OPINION, be fully honest regarding your concerns about her ex- boyfriend’s character. I agree that having cheated on her not once but twice, the likelihood of him doing it again is almost guaranteed. That said, you can’t live your friend’s life for her, and some people are slow to learn.