Umbrella gesture mis understood—or not

DearMissManners: Cominguponastrangerintherain, I offered to share my large umbrella with her. She came underneaththeumbrellaand said, “I suppose that you say that to all pretty ladies.”

I was shocked to have a gesture of simple humanity framed as sexual predation. I said,“Yes, indeed, ma’am. And to all ugly ladies, aswell. And also all prettygentlemen, and ugly gentlemen, too, cometo think of it.”

We walked on without another word until parting ways at the next intersection. Naturally, she never thanked me.

Miss Manners can hardly disapprove of affording shelter from the rain to any person, prettyorotherwise, who appears tobein need. Should Ihavewithdrawntheumbrella afterhercomment, whileadding, “Handsome is as handsome does”?

Gentle Reader: Romantic comedies — and predatorymen— haveallbutruined the chivalrous gesture. However, you need not interpret your umbrella companion’s remark as rude. Is it possible that she thought shehadsuddenlyfoundherselfina“meet cute” andwasattemptingtobe charming in a way that complimentedherself, ratherthan denigrating you?

However, ifyoursuspicions are correct, it isworthnoting thatwe are currently in a climate in which male motivations have proven suspect, particularlywhen itcomes to strangersapproachingfemales unsolicited.

That does not justify retaliating as though your character had been attacked. A reasonable response mighthave been, “Oh! Well, I was really just trying to protect a fellow human being from the rain ...” letting it trail off, lest you travel down an unwinnable path toward rating her relative beauty.

Dear Miss Manners: My name is Elena, and I amtyping this question on behalf of

Sasha( mydaughter/ employer). I will pass on any reply.

DearMissManners: What is theproperwaytoeat crackers? I want to know, because my brother is an extremely messy cracker eater, and I want to set a good example for him. And this is really difficult, because I am only 6 years old and he is 2, and he eatsplumsverybadly, andalso peaches, andanytypeoffruit.

Thank you for writing the bigbookcalled“MissManners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior,” because I’ve been reading it.

Love from,

Sasha

Gentle Reader: All of the foods you describe are indeed difficult to eat neatly, each for their own reason. Crackers make crumbs, and peaches and plums often create unsightly juice- covered chins.

For the latter, Miss Manners recommends that you and your brother politely ask your mother/ employee to cut the fruit into wedges, rather than attempt to bite into it like an apple. As for crackers, they are best eaten in small bites and not by the fistful, with a napkin or plate placed underneath to catch any falling debris.

Miss Manners would like to add that, having admirably fulfilled her duties as messenger and food preparer, your mother surely deserves a raise.

Although having such a conscientious and wellread daughter is presumably reward enough

As for crackers, they are best eaten in small bites and not by the fistful, with a napkin or plate placed underneath to catch any falling debris.

Send questions to

Miss Manners atwww. missmanners. com; dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or Miss Manners, AndrewsMcMeel Syndication, 1130WalnutSt., Kansas City, MO64106.