HOW PARENTS CAN OPTIMIZE PHYSICAL PLAY

Keep it safe. Knowing roughand-tumble play is good for kids doesn’t mean your home needs to become a WWE cage match. A good rule to prevent boisterous play from getting out of hand is to limit arm and hand actions (grabbing, pushing, squeezing and hugging) to between the shoulders and hips of the other person. It’s never acceptable to grab the face or neck, or to kick someone. All the experts I spoke with agree that parents should get in on the action – or at least be close enough to see or hear what’s going on. Work with kids to create ground rules. I started by announcing that grabbing each other’s necks and kicking was off-limits. My 5-year-old added, “Don’t sit on your brother’s head.”

Allow enough time.

Most parents tend to stop roughhousing preemptively. But if we permit children to go through the full progression, they’ll tire out, and their game will come to an exhausted, natural conclusion. When we force kids to stop wrestling before they’re ready, they learn that they should get to all the action within the first 10 minutes. Cohen recommends encouraging frequent stops and starts. Shout “freeze” or “ding, ding, ding, back in your corners!” and then let the kids go at it again. This allows them to rev up and cool down repeatedly, which helps children learn to control their impulses.

Encourage teamwork.

Physical play doesn’t always have to be wrestling. Making obstacle courses or building a fort involves working together. “If you create a safe environment — moving the table with a sharp edge out of the way or putting the couch cushions on the floor, parents may be able to relax a little bit more,” says Pearlman, author of “Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parental Satisfaction.”