THE BENEFITS OF PHYSICAL PLAY

It helps kids feel powerful.

Lawrence Cohen, a psychologist and author of “Playful Parenting” and co-author of “The Art of Roughhousing,” tells me that I’m not alone in wanting to stop my boys’ combative play. But he suggests I look at it differently. “When children wrestle, they’re displaying their inner power, not power over others,” he says. “Accessing that feeling of inner power is essential for children. It teaches them that they have the power to control their impulses, speak their mind and set healthy boundaries.” Girls often get the message not to be aggressive or angry, but when they roughhouse, they can access a forcefulness they’re usually told not to have. “That sense of power is healthy,” Cohen says. “It’s not male or female. It’s human.”

It gives kids the healthy touch they crave.

Without being affectionately touched, children cannot thrive. “Virtually every measure of life success, mental health and physical health is improved by physical touch in childhood and damaged by the lack of it,” says Cohen. Positive touch nurtures children, decreases stress hormones and boosts the immune system. It’s important to the development of language, physicality, and social and emotional skills. “Children must have healthy touch,” says Frances Carlson, associate dean and a former professor of early-childhood education at Chattahoochee Technical College in Marietta, Ga., and the author of “Big Body Play.” She points out that once children are potty-trained, the amount of touch they get takes a nosedive. When kids scuffle, they’re meeting their needs for physical contact.

It teaches kids how to interact with others. There is concern that the pandemic has harmed children’s socialization. Many have been missing close-contact play because of virtual learning or physical distancing requirements. They’re also missing out on interactions that can bolster their ability to understand social cues. “Roughhousing is where children learn nonverbal communication – the way a person tilts their body, leans in, pulls away or glances at them,” Carlson says.

It teaches important lessons about consent.

My kids can quickly go from laughing to whimpering. I use those opportunities to remind them that they always have to ensure the other person is still having fun. “It’s important to have very strong, established boundaries. At the first ‘I’m done’ or ‘stop,’ the game needs to be over,” Pearlman says. Cohen suggests discussing how to know when someone no longer wants to wrestle. Tickling is a great example. Even though a person may reflexively laugh while being tickled, if they say “stop,” the game should end. The same is true of nonverbal cues like frowning, scowling or clenching one’s body or fists.