How to reduce too much talking, increase listening

Effective communication involves a flow, a give and take between parties. While it may not be a perfect 50/50 balance, there should be room for both people to speak. Wouldn’t you agree?

Have you ever been held captive by someone who is talking nonstop? Often, the recipients of compulsive talking feel trapped, frustrated and overwhelmed. Over-talking is a dysfunctional habit. For some, it is a form of control. For others, it speaks to insecurity, perhaps a type of social anxiety. There could be various reasons. Usually, it’s not looked upon as a pathology in and of itself.

Do you over-speak? Why do you think that is? Have you experienced poor results with others because of this compulsive tendency? The good news is that you can begin practicing the skill of pausing and listening right away. This will very likely provide you with much better outcomes.

WAIT is an acronym used to help. It represents a simple question: Why Am I Talking? The answer to WAIT can be interesting. Are you talking to provide information? Is it to fill the communication space because you are uncomfortable with being quiet? Does it give you a sense of importance and control?

If you bring your awareness into any conversation, you can better monitor the balance of talking to listening. Being mindful in the moments of a dialogue can give you more control and connection. If you fill the “dead air” with your voice or interrupt others, it’s a sure-fire way to diminish the dynamic.

Here are some suggestions to implement during conversations:

Adjust your breathing to a slower pace.

Bear in mind the WAIT acronym.

Ask a question instead of speaking.

Reflect back the essence of how they answered instead of immediately saying what you wish to convey.

Angela and Dennis Buttimer For The AJC