HOW TO BETTER MANAGE ANGER

My patient said his partner and friends shut down when they see he is becoming angry, just to let him“win.”He said,“I feel victorious at first. Then I feel guilty and end up apologizing, which I hate doing.”

Once anger subsides, norepinephrine levels lower, and our thinking brain is reactivated. Our ability to empathize returns, possibly causing remorse and guilt over the damage our anger may have done, and we may wish to repair it.

Here are some strategies to respond differently when anger starts to take over:

Pause. Find a space where the ability to think can be recovered. Step away, remain silent, ask for time. Map out the progression of your anger by identifying cues in the body, mind and environment signaling it’s time to step back before things worsen.

Breathe. The only vital sign over which we have more immediate control is breathing. High emotions can push us to have quick, shallow breaths, feeding into our distress. Try slowing your breathing down, with long in-breaths and out-breaths (timing each helps maintain a rhythm and sense of stillness). Controlled breathing can limit respiratory rate, improve mood, lower stress hormone levels, decrease physical unease and help us think more calmly, improving recruitment of brain areas that process emotions.

See anger as communication. There is often a context to anger, whether directed at ourselves, another person or a situation. Thinking about what lies behind anger can help us feel less at its mercy and provide insight as to what other emotions we may be trying to avoid. Considering other people’s perspectives keeps the thinking brain going, creating more flexible outlooks and maintaining connectedness with others.