With dominating people, neutrality often is serene option

You find yourself once again in an emotionally provocative conversation with someone you know. Through experience, you realize that after countless times of getting caught up in the fray with them, a good outcome is unlikely. This loved one, friend or co-worker has redeeming qualities, and you don’t want to give up the relationship. What can you do?

They rarely listen to your feedback or suggestions. They dominate your times together with self-absorption and lots of “yes, but’s.” You do care about them, but you don’t want to have further sessions where you feel kidnapped and dumped on. Here are some suggestions:

Engage less frequently when possible.

Make the individual chats as short as you can. End as quickly and politely as you can. The idea is to be short and sweet.

Redirect the dialogue to non-emotional things. Focus on the weather. Mention a sale at your favorite store. Bring up something you’re grateful for. Talk about an unusual vehicle you saw in traffic. In other words, keep it as objective as possible.

This means don’t get hooked emotionally. Foster a state of neutrality. This means responding with “oh,” “I see,” “wow,” or “hmm.” There are plenty of variations you can use. This is an opportunity to be creative.

Taking a neutral stance is a safe response to a chronic individual with whom you’re connected. This relational posture is about arriving at a sane insight and new way of behaving.

There’s no convincing them or changing their driven behavior, so you use the above tactics to stay connected to them but also maintain your peace. Neutrality is about non-attachment and being diplomatic without surrendering your inner stability. Detaching with care is a fair option to both you and them.